Summerrrrrr and difference makes the world go round... :)

Hello :)

Although the fiery pretty sunset i took
a picture of a couple of weeks ago. :) 

Well it's meant to be summer but i don't seem to be seeing much signs of it at the moment, well except for the humidity! But who wants stuffy humidity without sun?! Not me! :P My mum keeps telling me summer is over, well when it comes to the weather anyway! I'm like nooooooooooooo, it hasn't even begun! Aha. Well for a quick update since my last post... not much to say really still keeping up with all my Liverpool M.E centre stuff. Had another appointment which went well, i think it's helping me and my parents understand more each time we go. Pacing is HARD though, especially the judging part of it but i will figure it all out in the end. :) It's a bit of a learning curve for us all but i think my family are getting more adjusted to my new regime; meaning my regular rests even when it might not look like i've done much at all to everyone else! Also had a meeting with my sixth form tutor and teacher who is gonna be teaching me at home a couple of weeks ago which was really good! :) They seem really understanding and accommodating to my illness and are willing to help in any way they can. Couldn't ask for more really and the thought of learning again is really exciting for me... as geeky as that sounds! :P I will be doing GCSE science and A level psychology. The science is really a means to an end just because it's useful to have your core subjects, especially if i want to be a teacher. But the psychology is the real one i'm looking forward too! Sounds soooo interesting! :) Anyway enough of my life update :L, I'm gonna write a few wishes/ goals whatever you'd like to call them that i'd like to achieve over summer if possible. But if i can't then it's no pressure... there's always next year. :) 


Summer dreamsssss ;) 


1. Build a sandcastle! :P (Rae Rae if you're reading this... hopefully i soon shall be doing one with you my lovely! And i have to add it will be the greatest one ever made... because we built it! Hehe ;)) Which leads me onto my next goal...


 2. Meet Rae Rae which is all planned for soon!! Yay Rosie and Jim will be united! ;) <3


3. Go to the beach which is kinda hand in hand with 1, unless i get a sandpit in my garden. ;)


4. Put my feet in the sea... let's hope i don't get bit by a jellyfish or someone may have to pee on me. ;) Anyone who knows me will know that'd be my HELL! Haha. Well i'm hoping it would be for most people! ;) 


5. Go to a national trust gardens... think they are just the prettiest places!!


6. Make a summer punch aha! ;)


7. Go for a picnic!!!


8. Get some amazeballs photography pictures!! :) 


9. Maybe go away over night (if we want to go somewhere a bit away but so i can still rest.)


10. Get my hair dip dyed!! 


Not gonna go on massivily tonight you'll be pleased to know but thought i  would talk about something i was talking to my Sarah about and that being friendships. I was thinking the other day about how all my friends are different! I have certain qualities i look for in a friend like making me laugh/smile, trust and understanding but even if all my friend's have them qualities they are totally different people. Although it's good to have friends that have similar interests as you, it's also good to have different opinions and interests as it helps you explore things you never would of thought of. And you can get into some really good conversations! It will then turn out that even if you didn't think you had all that much in common you actually have more in common than you think! Saying that i have friends who are totally like the pea's in my pod (you know who you are ;)) and that is just amazing too!!! Afterall every person is different so there is going to be some differences in there too so it all works out perfectly! :) But all in all you love them the same! I was just thinking how ironic it was that every single person in the world is different and every single friendship in the world is different and for that reason alone it works! It may be that you have a best friend that's like your family and knows you inside out, maybe even better than yourself! Yet on the other end of the spectrum you have a best friend who is constantly opening you up to new things and you can have wonderful conversations! All through that the laughs, trust, understanding and SOOOO much more is still there. I love every single one of my WONDERFULLY WEIRD, SARCASTIC, FUNNY, DEEP, CRAZY, SILLY, OLD, NEW AND AMAZINGLY UNIQUE friendships and feel so very grateful to have the few special ones i do have. <3 Not every friendship lasts a last time but when you find one that does, i think that's when you can call yourself truly lucky. :)



So even if there are differences or you are alot alike... dont shut off to the amazing possibilities that person/ friendship could bring to you. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT, EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL IN THERE OWN WAY!! :)))) <3 




Photo of the week:

Me, Hanna and Our boyssss at the surprise
mini party vibe celebration i did for
her birthday last week. I dressed up rather
cooly too... we played our own version of
pin the donkey but instead using bright
red lipstick kissing our celeb's lips
and blew bubbles!! Hehe such a cute time,
over did it but i'm glad Hanna liked her prezzies
and enjoyed it. :D Love you <33

Lots of love,
Becca
xox

Taking the leap...

Hello, :)


Sorry again for the space in blog posts but i just can't do them as often as every week anymore but i'll be here when i can to bore all who reads, haha. ;) Not much new since my last blog post, had an appoinment with boradgreen M.E/ CFS centre and they've given me some tips on pacing to hopefully get me back to an even keil. :) So i'm trying to keep up with that as much as i can, rest activity, rest...  It's hard but i'm getting used to it and trying to do it in my own manageable way. It's got to work round you, afterall no one know's you better than you. :) Anyway i also had my birthday weekend with soph which was good, We rested lots, watched films, went to a cafe for a snack and stayed overnight in a hotel for our birthday's. Then had a wheel on the front the next morning on the way home. :) I shall post a few pictures from it in this blog post. :)


Now for today's blog topic... taking the leap. Hanna did her skydive for charity yesterday and she totally loved it and i have to say i'm rather jel. It's definately on my to do when better list. Before i was ill i still always wanted to do it and after hearing the amazing comments off Hanna about it i want to do it even more now! :P If i was well i'd think i'd be there tomorrow. ;) That's why i think anyone who wants to achieve goals and live their dreams, should just go for it! It's not that easy, but you shouldn't give up on it and if the opportunity ever arises you should pounce on it. ;D I always envy people that i see could have so much potential and has the ability to do things but then never really seize it. With skydiving, it's so bizarre, you've never even met the person that's going to have your life in their hands. I mean that commitment usually comes from building up a strong relationship, doesn't it? This way its just like "hey stranger, try and make sure i don't die please?" haha!



Sometimes you have to take the "leap" in life, you never really know what's gonna happen and everyday your making choices to questions you don't have the answer to without even realising it. Sometimes it pays off and sometimes it doesn't. Even if it doesn't that doesn't mean you shouldn't take the leap again because if it works out the results can be amazing. Just look at Hanna's blog post to prove that. :) It can be something as little as picking your outfit to match the weather to deciding to move or even taking on that big adrenaline activity you've always wanted too! My dad also wants to sky dive and i'm hoping one day, when i'm better we will do it together. Sounds silly but jumping out of the plane with my dad will be the ultimate goal, the finishing line i've made to prove that it was all worth it. That dreams really can come true. :) I know soooo many people have a list of dreams and goals on a bucket list when they're younger and by the time their older haven't managed to achieve them yet. But i definately think it doesn't mean they won't ever achieve them but maybe pick the most important of them and make sure you live "your dream" in your lifetime.

I'm thinking of taking "the leap" when i'm 18 and getting a tattoo. Different people have mixed opinions on them but it's something i really want to do and yeah there's so many things that could go wrong but if you never try you never know. I have another year to wait like... hopefully i won't of wimped out by then. ;) Don't think i will as i've wanted one for a while now and as time goes on, i want one more and more. Already thinking of designs... want it to be something significant if it's permanetly on my body for all eternity. ;)

So what's your adrenaline activity dream?!

Here's some of the pic's from mine and Soph's weekend. :)

Me and Soph (and Sarah's head ;)) on
a wheel on the front across the road
from the hotel. :)



Soph in her food coma after too much
food. ;)



Me and Soph enjoying a nommy
mars bar cake in a nice cafe. :)






Partying hard in the hotel room...
as you do. ;)



Photo of the week:

The picture i took of Hans
a couple of weeks. :)
Think she looks very modelly
here!!! :)

Do what makes you happy, you only have one life so you might aswell enjoy it. ;)

Love and hugs, Becca.

xox

A ye ole' royal time!

Hellooooooo, 


Sorry again for such long space between updates but with medical appointments and getting things sorted round my house, not feeling too well and having my birthday it's been a bit crazy! ;) But no fear... Becca is here for another boring blog post for you all. ;) So the the Queen's diamond jubilee has been! 60 years on the throne, jeeze you'd think she'd be getting bored by now. ;) Haha.


 But seriously royalist or none royalist? For me i often wonder what is the role of the royal family, what do they decide? Who is it that actually has all the power over Britain? Is she simply a public figure in a big mansion who wears knitted cardigans and has company of corgi dogs? ;) I now know that the parliament and the Priminister makes the suggestions, make their decisions, our input included in some of the time and then the overall decision goes to the queen. She has to tick and sign of the sheet most to speak. So yes she's making the ultimate decision but usually decides to go with the majority choice. 


It makes you think what would the world be like without a queen? Without a focal point we all (or most of us) look up to with the up most respect and honour. It's always nice to have someone to look up too for guidance. In reality, our fate, our destiny is in the hands of her. What makes you a queen? Blood, money, power? Who's to say me or my next door neighbour have any more idea on what are the right decisions and paths to take than she does? She must feel an awful lot of responsibility, one day she woke up thinking it was any other day and then all of a sudden had the whole weight of the world on her shoulders! No wonder she has maids, cooks, cleaners and butlers! ;) The poor woman must be swamped! haha. 


For me personally i am for the Queen on the account of what i know. The jury is out for me on the rest of the royal family though haha. I never follow all the moves of the royal family implicitly but seen as they're probably the most famous family in the world you get to know of any major changes. But it just makes you think, she was once a little girl, a girl that most likely used to worry what clothes she was going to wear or if her favourite tv programme had been cancelled today. On what day did she suddenly stop being that little girl and start having to accept or decline decisions that could literally change our lives. She's human like any of us and we all know the royal family have there fair share of arguments! Do they affect her decisions, the choices she makes for us? When she's having a bad day, how does that affect her in her appointments as Queen? Does she trump and bump like the rest of us or does she step out of the room to keep her modesty in  tact? ;) It must be so hard to constantly get everything right and be perfect? So as well as having the benefits of being the richest woman in the world, she is constantly in the public eye with us just ready to make judgements on the decisions she makes for us.


She has given up her life to rule our country and although that sounds like the best job in the world, i bet it get's rather tricky at times!! She's going to make mistakes, don't we all! But i suppose what makes her a good queen is learning from them and not giving up herself or us! She must be doing something right to have lasted 60 years! So i say well done to her she must be a very brave lady and let's hope whoever the future monarchs are they live up to her standards! 


Anyway enough with the royal talk... it's been MY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!!! So seen as it was the jubille festivities, me being a secret queen and all ;) i had a royal tea party which was good! My friends and family spoiled me with gifts and lovely messages which was so unbelievably kind of everyone! I wasn't feeling all that well on the day so was a bit of a struggle to get through but some very amazing people at home and far away made my day special. :) So here's a few photo's to share with you from  the day...

Mum and dad as the maid Elsee and the Butler
Harold!! :')

See no evil, smell no evil        ,
talk no evil! ;)

Hahaha, da queen and da peasants! ;)

Group photo :D

Decorations!

Queens chair!!

The table!!!

Birthday gurllll

Hope you all enjoyed all the jubilee festivities and had a right royal time! ;) Love to all!!!

Lots of love,

Becca

xox

Interview with M.E sufferers friend; Hannah Hyde for M.E awareness week.

Beauful Hannah Hyde. <3

Today’s interview is with my best bud Hannah Hyde. She took on my m.e when knowing nothing about it or how it would affect me or our friendship. Yet through all that she has stood by me and been so understanding. I couldn’t of asked for more, she’s helped me through so many rough times through the years and still is today. People say that I’m the inspiration with having this illness but I believe people like Hans are, people who could easily walk away or forget about you, not on purpose but because they have their own lives. I know it has happened to so many people so many times, but she hasn’t and for that I will always be so so grateful. She puts no demands on me, just understands without me even having to tell her sometimes. She no way gives herself enough credit for this but I do and always will even if I don’t always show it. You have made me laugh so many times Hans, even when I’ve wanted to cry sometimes even during ;)) There’s not enough thanks in the world for that. So here she is the magical girl in question herself; Hannah Hyde answering all the questions from the opinion of somebody who is friend’s with someone with M.E…

What have u learnt about M.E? It's a bitch to start with, it attacks the white blood cells making u tried and in a lot of pain. It can cause u to have brain fog but it's different for different people, you don't know how long you'll have it for.

How has it affected you having a friend with M.E? It hasn't really there still the same person u where friends with at the start. You don't need to just sit around u find ways of doing thing but sometimes it's nice just to sit and talk. :)

What is the hardest part for you to cope with, with your friend having M.E? Seeing them unable to do something that every body takes for granted or something they really means alot that they wanted to do.

Was the M.E hard to understand?
I think it was hard at the beginning because no one really knew anything about it, but the longer you had it the more I learned and it was easier to understand like most things.

Is it hard to deal with to have made an arrangement but they cant make it?
It’s a yes and a no answer, yes your upset that they cant do it or cant come but you understand because they cant help it they would be there if they could they didn’t choose not to come.

What’s been the hardest time for you?
I have to say it was when you went into hospital for 3 months because you were there but you wasn’t really there. You couldn’t really get out of your bed and didn’t talk because you where in your own world so I think that was the hardest for me to see.

What support do you give to your friend?
I try to be there and make you think of the silver lining. As you obviously can’t see them all the time and when you don’t want to do something I try make you want to do it if I think it will help you in the long run. If I can see that you’re a flat pancake as I like to call it or just generally try t make things easier I get you a drink, help you up when you are down literally in some context. I read to you if you need to close my eyes and make me relax and lie down and do nothing so to rest. And I take technology things off you and type it/look at it for you so you don’t have to.

If your not I’m not well to do anything that big but need to do something what do you do?
Do a little activity like sitting outside in some chairs even though its not a lot you’ve gone outside or opening the double doors for some fresh air after two weeks inside (gives me evilss ;)) and do a little crafty activity or push you in your chair for a little bit. It’s doing something at the end of the day.

Do you think M.E is known about?
No, because if it was known about like cancer or HIV or M.S I would of known about I wouldn’t of had to research it or heard what doctors have said about it. It’d be easier to find information about it because it’d be known about but it’s not which it should be. I don’t think it’s fair that some people say it’s all in the brain, as it’s physically seeable that it’s not with the physical symptoms you get.

What would you do because of your experience with M.E to raise awareness?
If I had the chance to do something big and like wowzaa haha. I’d do a runway show and get a shop or boutique that’s wants to donate or sponsor. Get some blue and yellow dresses and get people to donate or buy the dresses. The model would be someone that knows somebody with M.E or had it or even has it cause we can berlingerdinger (Hans has a brill way with words ;)) up a zimmer frame. And for each person that comes out would say a piece on M.E. e.g "This is Rebecca Harrington sporting a blue ball gown, Rebecca has suffered from M.e for four years and so on…"

We know M.E can make the sufferer down but does it ever make you down to be around and see?
I think if anyone says it doesn’t get you down you’d be lying or stone cold bitches haha. Because your seeing your friend or best friend whatever case your in deal with something so hard and difficult. It’s not nice knowing that you can’t do anything and can only like get a drink or something for them which is not a big help. It’s upsetting in that light and see them not be able to go to school or get a job or do what they really want to do. Walking down the street in some cases, i think that’s a difficult thing to see and nobody wants to see their friend go through that.

I’ve asked an M.E sufferer whether she thinks it’s better for it to be better as a visible or invisible illness but what do you as the outside think would be better?
I must say it’s a hard question for an outsider to say, I’m going to say both sides. Say if you do have an illness that can be seen then I think you still get ridiculed for it because people still point and stare, look and talk. You would get more questions like "whats wrong with you?" Whereas if you don’t have a visible illness it’s believed it’s in your head because there’s no physical proof. So you will get people asking why you’re in a wheelchair and so on. So do I think its better to have a visible illness rather than an invisible illness? I don’t know it’s not nice to have an illness that you can see or can’t see. So I’m going to lead it up to you to decide, what do you really think?

　What illnesses do you know of that come from M.E?
Well obviously you, Rebecca Harrington has developed anxiety from not being able to go out and have a lot of time to sit and think and dwell. I don’t think it helped you cant go out and do the things that other teenagers are doing at that time. Depression again because you can’t be doing what everyone else is doing at that time and mad at your body like "Why can’t you do it body, why?!" Haha. Weaker muscles because your not being able to move them as much as everyone else. It’s easier to get headaches, lower immune system – like if I can a cold it’ll be like black lung flu for you. So you get hit with it 3 times as hard. So lots of general infections and lower concentration that leads to the headaches. Also intolerance’s to certain foods/ products.

Do you think there’s a lot of support around for M.E?
I think there is in some point of the country, some people get a lot more help easier than others. In the Lytham St. Annes / Blackpool and Lancashire area there isn’t the same support or network of people or opportunities available. Everything’s a struggle, everything’s a fight, you’ve got to talk to lots of people to get the answer you could of got at the start. So no I don’t think there’s a lot of support, awareness round here for people with M.E. Say somewhere else like York they might get an answer in a week whereas round here it could take a few weeks. To use as an example.

Obviously you’d want to take it all away like we all would but if you only had the power to take one part/ symptom what would it be?
I think it would have to be the walking and the movement side of things. Just because then you would of your own independence, if you wanted to walk out the house you wouldn’t need to worry about taking the wheelchair you’d just walk out. Although you can a lot to do a short amount with the concentration, but the fact you could walk and do something even if still just for a short amount of time. I think it would help a lot with anxiety and depression and not being able to do things you want to do.

Any last words to say or to sum up the interview?
Well to sum up this interview I’d have to say… M.E is a bitch and I don’t have it and I don’t know what people go through or what It feels like. But all I can is, you have to try and look on the bright side of things. Say your in bed one day then think there’s always tomorrow. If you can’t get out of bed then think what you can do from your bed. I mean of course you’re allowed to cry, I mean I’ve had lots of cries and I haven’t even got anything to cry about hahaha. But we have to pick our selves up and we have to know that if this is what it is then what can I get out of it.

I love how she keeps saying my full name in the answers. ;) I hope these posts have helped you understand a little bit more about M.E. thankyou so much to anyone who has taken the time to read them, if you have any questions then feel free to leave a comment. Before I go here’s the article that was in last week’s gazette to raise awareness for M.E awareness week. - http://www.blackpoolgazette.co.uk/lifestyle/supplements/eve/dealing-with-me-1-4525016

Lots of love,
Becca. xox

Interview with M.E sufferer Sophie Lees for awareness week. :)

Hey guys, :) 

The beaut Sophie Lees
herself. :)

Part of M.E awareness week i've decided to do a few blog posts to give you an insight into everyday life for someone with M.E. So today's post is an interview with my best friend, Sophie Lees who also has M.E. We met through AYME, (Association of young people with M.E/CFS) just over a year ago and i have to tell you she is an inspiration to me everyday and always keeps me going no matter what.I don't know where i'd be without her. :) So whilst i'm here i'd like to say thankyou to her for that. <3 She's had lots of ups and downs but stayed super strong through it all. Currently she was doing really well through alot of determination, techniques, support and time. Unfortunately silly sinusitis is infectionis making her rather poorly at the moment but she will kick it's butt soon enough just like she does everyday with the M.E. YOU CAN DO IT SOPH :D So read the interview to hear more about the beautiful Sophie Lee's everyday life and experiences with M.E... 

How does M.E affect you everyday? 

It affects me quite a lot, I can do normal tasks but have to keep them quite short and have to have lots of rests and a sleep every day.

What everyday tasks does it stop u doing? 
Erm I can't wash my own hair, or make meals things like that.

If you could sum m.e in one word what would it be?
'extremetirednesspainannoyinghorribletiredtiredtireddebilitatingscarytired' that counts as one word right? ;)

What have you lost because of the M.E? 

I lost the life that I knew, all my independence, a lot of my friends, going to school and my health! 

And is it better or worse to be an invisible illness? 
I think its worse because people don't see you as ill. 

What is greatest achievement since the M.E?

Getting and A in my english exam I took when I was really poorly. 

When have you been at ur best during the illness? 
Probably two and a half years ago when I didn't have M.E very badly and it was manageable and I could still lead a normal life!

What's been the hardest part of the illness for you / to cope with since it started? 

Loosing friends, because they don't understand the illness or what I can and can't do. And there lives are so busy I just kind of get lost and forgotten about!



When you were at ur worst - how did that affect you and what did it stop u from being able to do? 
It stopped me from doing everything, couldn't walk couldn't really go out for any amounts of time and just stayed at home! 


Has the illness changed you and if so how? 

It's made me a stronger person and made me appreiciate the little things in life, and not take things for granted. 

What else has lead from the M.E? E.g illnesses.
Anxiety, ibs, bladder problmes, kidney infections, sinusitis, general infections!  



Did it take you a long time to get a diagnosis? 
No I got diagnosed straight away!



And what's helped u to cope physically and mentally during the illness? E.g techniques, treatments and support!
My physio has been a major part, CBT, doing pacing, without it I wouldn't be where I am today! And of course all my family and friends support!





Have u ever had any bad experiences with health professionals?  
I haven't had any bad experiences with health professionals- very lucky!!



Was the support u received like the CBT and pacing and Ayme easy to access? 
Yes it was! 


Did u just get referred to all those things mentioned through ur GP?
 Well I already had a consultant through other illness's so I just had him already and got physio through him and CBT through my GP! 


For you what Is the worst symptom?  

The tiredness. 

How's it affected ur family?

They have had to change a lot in their lives to be able to do things for me/with me, eg. mum had to stop work to look after me. 


What scares you the most about having M.E? 
Not knowing when you will get better. 
And what would awareness/ would you want for people to know or do if they could? 
Just be more understanding about the condition and what it does to people lives. They wouldn't choose to live like this so believe in the illness because it is definitely real!

How are you now? 

I'm tired but okay thanks! howa you? - Classic Sophie ;) I'm pretty tired too but okay thanks, Soph!;)

Hope this has helped you to understand a bit more about M.E, thanks for taking the time to read this and keep watching out for my upcoming blog post; an interview with a friend of someone with M.E. :)

Lots of love,
Becca xox

Fiction's reality... Day in the life of Martha's M.E battle.

Martha's Story...

The alarm bell bellowing at 8.00 to let me know life is ready for me, but i have been awake for 2 hours already... jeeze wouldn't it be good to be one of those people who can just fall asleep whenever wherever! Get to sleep late, interrupted sleep and waking up at the crack of dawn. Oh to the joy of insomnia.
My dad could fall asleep on a clothes line! As i roll to the other side i let out a painful groan, it feels like i've done ten rounds with frank bruno and lost... Ahh well i thought it'd be too much of an ask for my bones not to feel like the chewing toy of whoever's wicked plan for me this is! I mean i have it good, my friend suzy can't even get up all day everyday in darkness metaphorically and literally staring at the same four walls, hoping tomorrow will bring a miracle. 

 I count to three slowly preparing myself the task of sitting up and getting out of bed, every part of me aches and seethes as i do the devilish thing of wanting to start my day. It actually feels like i have a little devil inside of me willing my life to fade away, losing grip and falling deeper into it's clutches. I won't let it win, it won't defeat me. i have dreams you see, big ones at that... New york, paris maybe even Tokyo... the world better be prepared for me ay. 

 I'm up, woohoo victory until i have to walk that is, my legs feel like they have the weight of sledge hammers. My brain willing me to bound around my room, my legs like in sinking sand refusing to move until i force them to set off of the meter journey to outside my door. Bum shuffle, bum shuffle, bum shuffle down the 11 steps breaking between each one becoming more and more out of breath.

Eventually I get down the steps of doom and head towards the living room.

 What's today's plan I wonder need to judge this carefully, Suzy wants me to go to hers tonight but if I go there then I won't be able to go out for the wheel I promised mum. Truth be told I feel like I could sleep for about a gazillion years but doing nothing wouldn't help me or my anxiety or so I'm told! Told by everyone that's meant to know what's best for me, thats another thing with being ill all the choices get taken out of your hands really. No control, no say just decisions made for you all thanks to the devil.‏ 

The little bugger cropped up about four years ago bug after bug weeks off school at a time and then that's when it came glandular fever hit me hard and so my invisible enemy set on its quest of my white blood cells, my identity, my life.

 When I was little I hated school, always wanted to be at home. Now I'd give anything to learn my 2x tables in mrs partridges class. My education went out of the window, 11 GCSE's down to 3. Better than none ay, that's what they keep saying. "After all you've been through, 3 is amazing."
"Yeah." I'd say plastering on a smile, then why doesn't this feel a victory then? 

 Although when I was in hospital, the worst time yet i didn't think I was gonna get any or out of there. I was tube fed, unable to walk and just in a pretty bad place. But i eventually i got there, and got out managing to take my few GCSE's. Too many people don't manage to get any, not even sit up in their bed i'd say I am pretty damn lucky! I wondered what it would of been like if I went to prom; I'd dream for years finding the perfect dress the perfect shoes, the perfect tiara, the perfect night. I never got there but went round to Lucy's before she went, she looked so beautiful and made me feel so included. What can I say I have one hell of a best friend there, standing by me through it all even when she had no idea what it is that was wrong with me. Even to this day our friendship is as strong as ever. In a way I think we're stronger if your not compatible then the hundreds of days where you have to sit around doing nothing would get pretty boring but it doesn't. Test of true friendship id say, she doesn't treat me any different still shouts at me if I'm being silly and lets me know when I need to snap out of whatever rut I've put my thoughts in and in return I know how to give her a bit of a hard time too shall we say... Through the years there's been PLENTY laughs and tears! There's so many tests in life and friendship is a test that is truly worth passing. 

 I need to finish Zara's post off too she was meant to get it about a month ago but with my hands playing on strike not managed to get that for. I do love post from my friends since joining a M.E based support network, we send it to each other to cheer us up. And it certainly does. Maybe tomorrow that's my philosophy and so whatever is not accomplished today will be successfully completed tomorrow I hope. Only so many spoons us m.e folk as we call it; a devision of energy per day and if we go over into tomorrows spoon well then that's less spoons for tomorrow. There's no top up with the devil. Although sometimes there's false deals, a promise of a little more energy which is never really true just a ticking time bomb of false adrenalin ready for you to crash and burn so to speak.  

 Anyway off for a bath, or what I call the dignity taker, every time the water empties its more like a little bit more dignity down the drain rather than water. Having help to get in and out of the bath, washing my hair wasn't the life I dreamed of. More like 10 minute showers rushing to get ready for the day of college and then meal with the girls ahead. 

I catch the looks every now and then from my parents the looks of pain, of sorrow of seeing their daughter like this. What gets to me the most is if you look hard enough you can see the reflections of the childhood I had lost not only that I had dreamt of but they had too. 

 The amount of stories I've read and heard off health care professionals and countless people that class m.e as a bit of tiredness, have a bit of a rest then you'll be fine. Or that it's all in your head and your simply lazy, if only they knew if only they saw Suzy in her bed crying herself to sleep, the curtains drawn in the middle of the day because the natural daylight is too much for her to take. Or me struggling to cut up my food, my bones shaking so hard their own symphony of pain and exhaustion. 

 Last week coming home from my friend Betsy's, I could feel the devil taunting me letting me know I'd done too much by going to see her and watching a movie. I should of listened to it all day I felt bad but I thought I'd be fine when I got there that the change of scenery would do me good. I could of cried on the spot, it took everything I had no to yell, cry and crumble into a heap all at once. Even that seemed too much energy at the moment, all I wanted was my bed and the hope of tomorrow. It hurt to be touched, I felt electric but not in a good way, one touch and I'd be in for a shock. The noise so magnified it felt like my head was ready to implode. Even moving a finger was an ask, crawling because my legs had given up each shuffle a painful reminder that my
Life was not normal, I wasn't normal.

 Me and mum head out on our little journey into maple village, me all set with my camera getting ready to capture the world from an eye that could only see beauty. Being ill really does make you appreciate the little things in life as corny as it sounds. A nice summer day, the smell of fresh cut roses as im wheeled past a florist. An hour of respite just as long as its a quiet walk and my back can withhold sitting up for that long. I never really have believed in luck but every time we set off on a trip out I know it's a lottery if I'll pay the price when I get back. 

 Heading home knowing the excruciating pain the trip out will bring almost leaves a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. As we reach the front door I just pray it won't bring me a world of payback. 

So many amazing memories even since being ill meeting so many wonderful people. It's so good to speak to people who know how your feeling, who comfort you and let you know you'll get there and so will they, with you by there side. I could just sit for hours on end looking at my photo wall and post because even when I feel so alone it's let me know I'll never will be. These people, my best friends are my life and my family too they make me never give up even on this undecided jail sentence. There support is invaluable and I really hope they know how much they mean to me. Wouldn't be able to get through a day of it with them.

 Sleep now, sleep now, sleep now giving my unconscious mind the signal to allow me to sleep so I'm ready for the weekly dose of tv entertainment tonight. Gotta love Britains got talent, all sorts of people all going head to head to be called the nations biggest talent. I dont know why it entertains me so much, I mean a tone deaf grannie singing 'I will survive' doesn't get more redicuous than that. I have to give her some admiration though, at least she believes in the words she's singing. At least she has the courage to never give up and live out the dreams for a better tomorrow. After all isn't that what we're all doing silently in our everyday lives?... <3 

Your own little jail everyday.

What's coming up... :)

Hey guys, sorry for the delay in posts but i havent been too well so havent been up to post but seen as it's m.e awareness week next week i'll be making up for it by posting a few times next week. :) I plan to do a day in the life of someone with m.e, an interview with someone who has m.e and a friend of someone with m.e. :) Hopefully this will raise some awareness and explain a little more to anyone who isnt really sure what m.e is. :)

M.E. is a chronic, fluctuating illness affecting 250,000 people in the UK. It may be diagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) or Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome (PVFS). M.E symptoms may include persistent exhaustion, muscle and/or joint pain, sleep disturbance, feeling ’flu-like and having problems with memory and concentration. Symptoms may include persistent exhaustion (‘fatigue’), muscle and/or joint pain, sleep disturbance, ’flu-like symptoms such as headache, sore throat, painful lymph nodes, dizziness and/or nausea and problems with memory and concentration.
M.E. affects people in different ways and to differing degrees. It’s a very variable
illness and your symptoms can change over time. It’s important to find out more about the range of symptoms experienced by different people with M.E. - This is a copy and pasted text on what m.e is and just a few of it's many and varied symptons. M.e is just thought of as a bit of tiredness but to somebody who's living with m.e it's so much more than that. It changes your life and those who are around you. So hopefully in my next few posts it'll become apparent what m.e really is and how it affects thousands of people's everyday lives.

To raise a bit of awareness would be amazing, i have also done an interview with the gazette in my experience with m.e which should be in the gazette on tuesday the 8th on the front cover of eve supplment. :) I am currently making ribbons after i had some laying around for a photography concept i was doing for next week. I've created a fb page and i would really appreciate people taking a look, it's for a really great cause. All the proceeds will go to action for m.e - an m.e charity that supports many people who have m.e and their families. :) - www.facebook.com/countmeinribbons

Also my auntie's friend, Bernie who's teaching me more about jewellery came yesterday and we finished the necklace i started to make when i went round last time and she showed me how to make a brooch which i'm quite pleased with for a first attempt. :)

From yesterday's jewellery making sess
;)


So that's all for now, you'll be hearing from me soon.
So keep a look out. ;)

Lots of love,
Becca
xox

Photo of the week;